hello there! i am neverrr on tumblr anymore. seriously hahah i only get on occasionally to construct a somewhat distorted collection of my dispersed thoughts..
one word: wow. haha i never ever ever in a million years would’ve envisioned myself to be where i’m at right now. both physically and mentally.. but regardless of the fact that my plans didn’t match up to what is ultimately seen as HIS plan- it’s crazy how much God has blessed me. TRULY everything happens for a reason.
even with the smallest things.. God’s work is so evident. ie) i had the most blessed conversation with michelleeeey during my visit to berk (which would’ve never happened if i hadn’t missed my flight haha. His perfect timing or what?) i got myself to open up about something that i’ve never really opened up to ANYONE about.. not in detail at least. and to have someone who could so completely understand me- who could vocalize the seemingly perpetual thoughts i have into words- was the greatest blessing (and relief) of all. and that conversation has since then stimulated a hoard of thoughts..
this past year was definitely a year of growth. i look back at myself just a year ago from today and i was literally so immature hahaha.. (not to say i’m completely mature now or anything.. but.. yeah haha). the way i handled things, it’s embarrassing -_- but i feel confident enough to say that i’ve grown, matured and learnedd.. mucho. my convo with michelle gave me serious insight into how my past has molded me into the person that i am today: why i reacted the way i did to particular situations, why certain people have made such an abnormally strong impact in my life, why i’ve gotten so attached to and hurt by these people, why it’s so difficult for me to let go of things.. just so. much. was. revealed.
i grapple with the same concepts of God’s love, His complete and utter acceptance, the redemption that comes with His grace, each. and. every. day. i’ve been seeking refuge in all the wrong places.. but one of these days i do believe that He will completely heal me. still waiting., but i trust that the day will come. as for nowww i’m excited to be here, to witness what God’s about to do here at home. i serioussssly believe that change is about to occur :)
all of this is very vague cause much of it is kinda personal buuut moral of this mumble jumble:
i am blessed.