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caroline mincurrently in berkeley, california but my heart resides in federal way, washington <3
why do we tend to hurt the ones we love most (common example: family)? what then is the definition of love.. is our understanding solely a meager derivative of love as defined by 1corinthians? do thoughts justify actions? what about suppressed actions.. in that case do actions condone thoughts? is it because we are merely a fallen people as opposed to God who is Love, or who simply IS, that we cannot live up to the standard? or has the standard inherently been watered down..
this probably doesn’t make sense to the world haha. i have literally never thought to question the essence of love before because i always throw the word around and am like yay i love God i love family i love friends ILY *happy face* but it’s recently become such a seemingly foreign concept.. so. perplexed. can’t. articulate. brain. is. exhausted. o_o
maybe it’s a means of attack.
maybe it’s by virtue of circumstance.
either way…. hm.
God does not exist to give you happiness. God does not exist to give you a destiny. God does not exist to give you purpose. God does not exist to give you blessings.
You exist to give God glory, and in this, enjoy Him forever. That is the sole and chiefest reason that you exist. In this existence, in giving Him glory: you will find happiness, you will find a destiny, you will find purpose, you will find blessings; but those are just byproducts, not prime products.
God and His glory is the end, not the means.
—berkeley david kim
HERE IS A HAPPY POST,
because i don’t really blog anymore and when i do, most of them have dismal undertones……..
so i would just like to say that OVERALL, May is going to be a happy, happy month!
weddings, joint praise nights, birthdays, berkeley loves visiting, people coming home :)
start of summaaa aka play play play play fun fun fun.
wahhhhooooo i am excited!!
regardless of the season you’re in, i’m in, the world is in, life is good cause God is good! and i’m surrounded by good people and good food and a good church and good pastors and good weather and lovelovelove all around so yes life is good =)
— happy post inspired by Jae
immersed in a somber melody that’s reverberating over, and over, and over, and over, and over again. searing convictions, one after the other, have been resonating in my heart all day and just can’t be discounted..
break my heart for what breaks Yours.
oh God, how You remember even our faintest whispers.
even when we mutter a myriad of bold prayers without understanding the gravity of our cries, with only a feeble grasp of the impeccability with which You answer.
why must i always be slapped in the face so brutally in order for my narcissistic self to just take a step back and be reminded that Life isn’t about Me. that i am so incredibly blessed, simply for knowing the love of Christ. that He has called me to so much more.
—
the intensity with which this has struck me might be a bit strange considering i never really knew you, but the fact that i even recognize your face and remember you from my math discussion last year has left me so.. overwhelmed. so completely mortified and heavy-hearted. and all i can say is that i’m sorry. on behalf of anyone who knew you, yet apparently didn’t really know you- i’m sorry. for having such a myopic perspective and for being so egotistical, for coming to this realization too late, for the pain you must have been going through- i’m sorry.
May 8, 2012. Rest in Peace.
you’ve touched the lives of many..
—
every soul has an ever so desperate yearning to be heard, to be comforted, to be healed.
love. everything comes down to Love.
oh Lord, You’ve truly shaken me.
now have Your way in me God.
marks 4 years.
3 years ago, as a mere incoming junior, i submitted an essay to a writing contest with an excerpt as follows-
“I can’t lie and say that this experience has only created a different perspective of life for me. That I’ve merely come out a stronger person. That I will simply live each day as if it’s my last. I can’t do it. He meant the world to me; he still does. His death cannot purely be a beneficial incident to me… it hurts. Even writing this essay makes me cringe. The thought of that day, that horrendous day that has turned my life around…”
4 years later and that day is still just so overwhelmingly vivid. the emotions that were splurged onto that innocently written yet painstakingly raw and unrefined essay are still so vivid. from the “he has two weeks left” which in a matter of 2hours turned into a paralyzing “he has one hour left” to the words that were said to that look you gave me as a result to the thoughts that were running through my head to the promises i uttered to the torrent of tears that followed to the surge of emotions that drowned out even the most remote sense of logic
all so vividly clear.
but do you know what else is vividly clear?
how much i’ve grown, even from the puerile little girl that wrote that essay. how elegantly the Lord has seized the heartaches of my greatest adversity and used it to mold me. how He has taken what is most commonly seen as a grievous tragedy and turned it into Victory.
tears of mere anguish have turned into tears of heartrending faith. faith that in my greatest pains, He suffers alongside me. that despite life’s obstacles, His love prevails.
so again, i humbly come before you God and thank You.
for without You, i really don’t know where i’d be.
now normally i wouldn’t share, let alone publicize, anything that even grazes the surface of this topic, no matter how shallow the surface. this is the one part of me that no one dare touch- both close friends and family members alike. but as i enter a new stage of intimacy, i’ve caught glimpses of the challenges that come with stepping foot into the unknown.. and that includes my calling as a believer to testify.
so here i am to tell you that Jesus Redeems.
March 25, 2008
Rest. In. Peace.
i love you and miss you like crazy.
Love,
경은
a pattern of tres:
transparency-vulnerability-exposure
He’s stripping. stripping. stripping. mending. purifying. redeeming.
one step at a time.
though your insides squirm
though your mind pleads against susceptibility
though your heart wails with discomfort
fight.
fight your own voice.
fight the voice of the father of lies.
and hear HIS.
NO MATTER HOW GUT-WRENCHINGLY DIFFICULT,
withdraw from comfort; leap despite fear. and you will see Him move. !!!
it’s gonna be a good 40 days.
Yes.
chaispice:
2012. One day in.
Sin is crouching at the door.
Most people make resolutions, and we make them for many different reasons. Maybe you’ve made them for yourself; maybe your reasoning for wanting to work hard is to get a promotion, to be recognised for your hard work. Maybe you’ve made them because you think God won’t love you unless you make yourself perfect. Maybe you think nobody will want to date you or marry you if you don’t change. Maybe you made them to please other people, like your parents.
But, perhaps after prayer and being convicted, you’ve made them because in your heart you know that your life isn’t glorifying Christ, and you want it to. Maybe you’ve been relying on your boyfriend or your girlfriend too much, or let go of time with the Lord in your busy-ness. Maybe you’ve been distracted and you want to fix your eyes on Jesus again.I don’t know what resolutions you made. You might have parts of the old flesh that you still need to cut off from the new creation. Perhaps you want 2012 to be the year that you stop procrastinating, gossiping, lusting, binge drinking, self-harming, purging. Perhaps it’s the year you want to let go of the porn addiction. Maybe you know you need to stop falling for the wrong kind of people. Maybe this is the year you want to stop spending all your money on worthless things.
Just know this: sin is crouching at the door.
The enemy hates when you are determined to fight in this battle. The enemy hates when you are determined to let go of addictions and look to the Cross. And he will do whatever he can to stop you.
He will lie to you. He will show you all the “good” of forbidden things. He will bombard you with reasons about why you should keep holding on. You will be more tempted in your determination to let go than before. If you are determined to start being wiser with your money, it may be that in the next few months, there will be potential purchases that you want more than anything else you’ve bought before. If you want to rise early to meet with the Lord, you may wake up feeling sleepier than you anticipated and want to just hide under the covers for a few more hours. If you want to stop falling for those who don’t really love you, you will start finding yourself more attracted to those who don’t love you. If it’s to let go of an addiction, you will find yourself itching to stumble more and more. If it’s to view your body as the LORD views it, beautiful and without flaw, then the enemy will keep telling you that you are ugly - and he will tell you over and over again.
Brothers and sisters, know that I am praying for you. I pray for your protection, I pray for strength, and I pray that you will hear His voice, when He says:
Beloved, let go.
I have bigger plans for you. I want to lead you out of the wilderness, and I want you to lean on Me. But you have to let go. Listen not to the enemy. He lies to you, for he hates you. But I will always speak to you in truth, faithfully, for I am the Truth. He will tell you not to listen. He will tell you that I am withholding pleasure from you. But beloved, know this. I withhold no good thing from you. In My presence, your cup will overflow, and you will lack no joy. Come away, beloved. Come away from the old, for I have made you into a new creation. Sin is crouching at the door, beloved. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it. I will give you the strength. You have all you need, and I will be with you always. Just let go, and trust Me.
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